| SUP |
[04 May 2005|12:06am] |
Old Lady is going strong. We have edited 10 minutes of it. We filmed the first half of the James Bond spoof "James Cupry". Exam work perhaps is cutting down on our craziness. But exams are soon to come and go, plus exam leave, plus MARTY PARTY 3. We are cool
Sometimes the nights are so dark.
Matt
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| Big News. Bigger than my ass! |
[01 Mar 2005|11:41pm] |
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Some big news. Since there is too much footage to go onto one video, we are going to split what we have filmed so far into two seperate videos. Everything up to 'Porquoi' = Volume 1, Everything after = Volume 2
Volume 1
Matt Bird, Jack Caulfield, Chris Chalaye, David Chapman, Tom Collins, Dan Cooke, Stuart Russell, James Scott
Volume 2
Matt Bird, Jack Caulfield, Chris Chalaye, David Chapman, Tom Collins, Dan Cooke, Adam Haxell, Ife Owofemi, Luke Pauli, Ben Woollard
James/Stuart will be in Volume 2 if they come out for filming Saving Hokum City, because that's pretty much all that's left for Volume 2 other than Owlman X(maybe). So we already morealess have 2 finished videos. Volume 1 should be made pretty soon, then we'll finish Volume 2 and then it's onto Volume 3! Big Plans for that.
Seeya!
Cheapman, Inc.
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| Me Myself & Ife |
[17 Feb 2005|03:24am] |
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Today we filmed Me Myself and Ife. Who was in it? Okay.
I'll tell you. Tom, Ife, Matt, Jack, Luke, Dan, Joe and Cheapman. Great
Performances by everyone. It was really nice. I hurt my ankle.
But it doesn't matter. It was really good. Well done everybody. We
should be proud. Now we only have to film Saving Hokum City. That will
be well good. Oh yeah. Me Myself and Ife was well good. It has two
different endings. Kinda like a two pronged fork, if you consider the
end of the handle the beginning. Then the end would be the prongs. And
there are two of them, hence the analogy. Seeya.
love fromage chapman.
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| There's a party in my pants - and it's strictly exclusive |
[16 Feb 2005|12:12am] |
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Good Midnight Old Lady voyeurs! I pray you are enjoying your evenings. I pray to the good lord JC. Do us justice Mr. Caulfield!
I thought it time fantastico appropriaté to update the fans on the happenings of Old Lady. Their meagre sucklings of Old Lady trivia and news has run drier than a comatose woman's vagina. Uma Thurman tells me that's pretty cocking dry. And I believe her!
Last Saturday we went to Martin's house for a PARTY! We had fun and if you weren't there, for shame. Indeed for shame. You missed the fifth instalment of the MUSIC QUIZO EL LEGENDE (A.K.A. Martin's one chance to have power over the OLD LADY), you missed Tom's soothing serenade on the guitar, you missed fun with a fire extinguisher, you missed bed orgies, you missed sacrifical killings, you missed sick pizza, you missed Matt Bird, you missed Bear in the Big Blue House, you missed a hell of a lot of good shit, but most importantly you missed Megan(d!!!!!) her boyfriend (meg AND her boyfriend, MEGAND her boyfriend!!!!!! fucking hell, WELL GOOD!!!!), who from now shall be called Dr Rock. Here's to you, Megand Dr. Rock! Your babies will be beautiful. Beautiful like an obese butt ugly fuckin' rat
It was a good party. Good job Martin, congrats. We are looking forward to the next one. Next fortnight yeah? Cool. Nice one, you dog. Oh you big wolf!
Today, or yesterday if you are being pedantic which some of you are because that's how you get your sicko kicks, we filmed a lot of impromptu gold. There was an on-the-spot skit involving the arduous unclasping of a tin of butterbeans, leading to a Tangerine King then going off on a random tangent and hell, I don't even know where it went from there! There was a brutal re-enactment of an age old talisman of a schoolground ritual - position a chair on a slant in the ground, then jump on to it in whatever suitable fashion our diluted imaginations can secrete, leading to stinging pains and belly laughs all round! There was a black of night vampire hunt involving a Sea Captain, indie trendy fellow, and someone wearing a cowboy hat. "Such rich and varied characters bundled into such a wacky and unique situation? Surely this must be illegal or at least heavily fineable!" you whine. "Be quiet and educate yo bad selves! Break yo brains!" I retort!
We also filmed some phonecalls asking about tomorrow's filming but Tom couldn't deliver the quality "I'm sooooo drunk" goods twice. Hollywood Collins and his diva demands! He is the living end! The height! 1 o'fucking'clock? Sod off mate! Go back to Turkey with your kebabs and your delights! I swear! Tom fucking Collins.
Tomorrow, or today, that is Wednesday, we are planning to film Me, Myself & Ife. We may hit a snag however, as Ife "the Knife" Owofemi, the skit's shining star, has not replied to phonecalls or an email asking if he's coming out or not. Without him we are nothing. And Tom, supporting actor #1, A.K.A "Me", said he will be arriving later just because he's lazy. I know what you, the Old Lady reader, are thinking and I heartily agree. He IS. You are so right.
No London on Thursday thanks to sensible Jack, a possible movement to Saturday may be the key, or we'll have to postpone it for a later date. Maybe even Easter! God damn! Friday we should be filming GTA: OLD LADY. Sunday is the day of Sabbath and, as the Old Lady geek freaks should know, The OLD LADY is a devoutly Christian pact, and so follow our Lord's wishes relgiously (geddit!!!). I should really do some art work. I really should. Really really. So bad. So bad.
Don't be a stranger! I am a xenophobe and so am scared of strangers! Watch out!
Lots of love, Matthew "everybody loves" Raymond Bird
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| Oh God! |
[06 Feb 2005|10:38pm] |
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The ladies toilets! Oh man! WHAT an embaressment!
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| The Team Adam problem |
[03 Feb 2005|07:41pm] |
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well, its old adam haxell here, i just like to say that if my er...team..ever gets its full quota then we will win...with me at the helm and dan cooke behind me like some sort of bed headboard the world will fall to us..so beware...if you want to ditch the zeros and get with the heroes my team is open to you! thank you for your time
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| The Shit |
[03 Feb 2005|07:10pm] |
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This is Matthew, spokesperson for Team Tom. Hi Old Lady! How are you?
All I can say is that at least our team has a name that everyone likes. Tom Collins is our Don, our Capo. Or perhaps the pezzonovante of the operation. And I suppose I am his consigliere. In TEAM TOM, we all drink out of the well and wet our beaks in fair proportions. We run under a strict omerta, even the soldiers and the button men. I feel very confident in cosa nostra.
Farmyard Rocket are really beginning to put a stone in my shoe, and if they're not careful, I might put my button man on them. He'll go to the mattresses and whack those goombahs most proper. He'll make his bones.
100 tasks are being formulated for Admiral Papersky's Love Day and we'll be painting London our trademark blood red in the name of brainless competition this half term. The week of the 14th of February. What day? Who knows. And then we'll have another of Martin Bowman's patented SUPERPARTY(tm)s on the Friday. Whose head will bleed this time? Watch this space. And we should do GTA Old Lady that week too! Bozzaaaa! Brilliant. No wonder we are the most popular group in our school, BETHS Grammar for boys.
Cent' anni you putzes
(L)
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| ADMIRAL PAPERSKYS SUPER FLAPPING HOKUM LOVE DAY GREATER LONDON EXTRAVAGANZA THE SEQUAL!! |
[03 Feb 2005|02:07pm] |
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Team FARMYARD ROCKET here, telling you the know-how about the sequal to Admiral Papersky's Super Flapping Hokum Love Day Greater London Extravaganza. Looks like Team Tom couldn't be bothered- another reason they are INFERIOR to us.
Well, here are the teams
TEAM FARMYARD ROCKET - Chris Chalaye, David Chapman, Ife Owofemi and Ben Woollard
TEAM TOM - Matt Bird, Jack Caulfield, Tom Collins and Luke Pauli
TEAM PISTACHIO - Dan Cooke, Adam Haxell, Stuart Russell and James Scott
The names were picked out of a hat, after several practice runs, and those are the teams. However, for several reasons, TEAM PISTACHIO might be killed, forming two super teams. The event is set to take place in Half Term. May the best team (TEAM FARMYARD ROCKET) win.
In other news, BIRD CHAPMAN AND COOKE were in Bluewater and came up with a couple of skit ideas. Both involving the Pretzel chain, 'Mr. Pretzels'. Stay tuned.
~Team Farmyard Rocket
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| Me, Myself and Failure! |
[31 Jan 2005|03:43pm] |
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Oooh, Sunday. Sunday Sunday Sunday. Sunday.
What was planned = Me Myself and Ife
What happened = Fffffuck all.
Well, at 12 Matt, Adam, Chapman, Kate and Fiona met up ready for ME MYSELF AND IFE. Ife and Tom and Chris were supposed to come down at 2. Jack was ill this weekend (OR AT LEAST THATS WHAT HE TOLD US??!) so he couldn't make it. So we all head off to Adam's house for cake and Nintendo. 2 hours pass, and it turns out both Tom and Ife will be late. GAY. To cut a long story short, Ife arrived at 4, Tom at 5 (he thought we were meeting at my house, and had to get a lift to the village and find Adam's house), and Chris didn't even turn up. A FAILURE.
So we met Dan, Ben, Joe, Chris (tada!) and DANIEL GARLICK and saw Meet the Fockers. It was shit.
The end
~chapman
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| Hey Family |
[30 Jan 2005|11:34am] |
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Hello loved ones and watchers, Ben Woollard here.
So for once i didnt have to enter the corporate world of work until 4 pm...what did i do? sleep in ...nonononono , watch a movie...nononono i went out with the lads (im a sucker to the social scene). It was cold but spirits were warm, it was windy but tempers were still. I wont lie to you we all took a risk on saturday we came up with some spontaneous 'sketches' or 'skits' for you working class heros. Thats right we didnt film something that had been in the pipeline for weeks, we came up with it and BAM we did it. You may argue this is more ametuer than usual and will destroy our chances of hitting the big time (which we will do) but i disagree, it gave 'Old lady' (TM) a homly and friendly feel that said 'yes we're here and you can watch...if you like'. We filmed gangster stuff we filmed racial stuff, we filmed life we filmed struggle but all that matters is WE HAD FUN yes. How can we have fun and create masterpieces? well we're the best, we may sweat but friendship is always there. And whats important is that no one got irritated when we spent 5 mins picking a ringtone for the phone call in the 'Red hand vs Balck hand' (TM), because its stuff like that, that makes 'old lady' (TM) super.
-peace out-
p.s Craig Kurby...Craig 'sod off' more like :-)
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| Saturday = Sex! |
[29 Jan 2005|10:32pm] |
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Hello. Let me guide you through S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y. That spells Saturday, by the way.
Who was there? I'll answer that question right now- there was ME (David Mark Chapman)! But that's not all. Adam Haxell, armed with his lethal Samsung camcorder joined the brigade for a filming fananza. Okay, that's two...but was there anyone else?? Yes, friend! It gets better. Matt BIRD AND Luke PAULI AND Ben WOOLLARD were also present! Hmm, yes it tastes good, very good...but there's something missing...Let me tell you now, the final person who joined us today to film. I shall type the name out right now..Joe Grant! Joe Grant? Yes, that's what I wrote, can't you read, you illiterate poof? I think we all know that these 6 people combined is certain to create DELICIOUS on film. And it did, let me tell you. Let me!
WE STARTED THE PARTY with a little diddy we like to call THE RED HANDS VS THE BLACK HANDS. When a member of the black hands find's a gang member dead, all HELL breaks loose. Very loose. Commence a 5 minuite shootout scene! OH yes, you love it.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! After that, we recreated a classic moment with THE SILENT MOVIE CAR CRASH...THE SEQUAL! Yes, that's right, I wrote THE SEQUAL, not THE ORIGINAL! Why would we film the same thing twice? That's not how OLD LADY rolls, you stupid idiot!
Mm! Surely this is ALL we did. Surely there is only so much time in the day to create two masterpieces. Slow down there, there wasn't just two. Not even just three. THERE WERE FOUR! Let me tell you the other two, please.
If the next skit were a drink, it would taste like the brainjuice of BEN WOOLLARD- a lethal cocktail. The presently unnamed skit is about a Cambridge professor, who holds grudges, and also holds bananas. You do the math. I think it's obvious that it is ecstacy on film.
THE FINAL DILLIO? I'LL TELL YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! Clocking in at just over two minuits is an ANTI RACISM campaign from the folks from OLD LADY! And you thought we were inconsiderate. You should be shot. In the balls.
THAT'S HOW FOR NOW! I'll catch you on the flipside, cuntbags!
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| Old Lady Quotes |
[28 Jan 2005|12:52pm] |
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I am bored, so I am adding some funny quotes from old lady stuff for my amusement. (If anyone wants to add to this post, they can) ~chapman
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"Let's go home, Billy. There's more people to kill. And women to have sex with." Matt Bird, Cowboys
"My best friend's dog was killed by owlman!" Adam Haxel, Owlman vs Dracula
"I seem innocent enough don't I? Digging graves with this mask on, I doubt anyones gunna say anything untoward" Jack Caulfield, Gravedigger
"Leg it!" Dan Cooke, Do a trick
"I FOOL YOU!" Chris Chalaye, Window Washer
"The enemy was heavily armed and light footed" Stuart Russell, 1901
"Now run 50 times around the block, or I'll whip yo' fat ass, motherfucker!" Jack Caulfield, Run Fat Boy Run
"You're not a chicken are ya? A CHICKEN! Bagawk! Bwaaark! Wak Wak! Bwaooork!" Matt Bird, Superman Kid
"Your story is full of holes...like your head!" David Chapman, Gravedigger
"Hi...is Julie there?" Luke Pauli, Window Pressure
"It's been three weeks now, and we havn't had a single lead!"
"I havn't even had time to change my clothes!" Jack Caulfield, Stuart Russel, Dennis and Monkfish in Owlman
"I want to party." Matt Bird, Circular Love Triangle
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| Old lady, the 4th Reich |
[27 Jan 2005|08:58pm] |
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Its old adam haxell here, just informing the loyal fans of a new and exciting prospect that could open up old lady to the feild of the epic genre. i talk of lord of the rings, the well awaited trilogy that thev old lady players (and guests) hope to pull off with grace. so, if you are interested in having a part , big or small, then contact me or anyone of us...your wish is our pleasure.(not really, its just a nice way to end)
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| yay life |
[27 Jan 2005|06:58pm] |
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Ben Woollard from Window Pressure says:!!!!!!!!!
im in old lady which is the name us buddies give to our filming bananza, but we are going to make it big time which is y the subject matter now has to be perfect we are going to hit the big i truly believe that old lady is going to make it big and we are going to get rich which is why its good to have a corporate name cos we are going to hit the big. I lost my 'coming up with skit virginity' to GTA old lady and i wont lie to you i bled , i bled my imagination i bled my soul but from that bleeding mass came an idea that will see martin bowman demeaned to the extreme but then u already know that as the only ppl reading this are in old lady but that doesnt matter cos we are going to hit the big.
We are going to get soo damn rich out of this and i am going to launch my career in film. it will be fun , but that doesnt matter fun is unimportant.
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| If I gave you $1000... |
[27 Jan 2005|06:36pm] |
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Who's that girl? It's me, chapman!
This weekend is going to be good BECAUSE on Sunday we are making ME MYSELF AND IFE for sure. AND on Saturday, a MYSTERY SKIT! What will happen? I don't know, do you? No. That's why it's a mystery!
Oh, let me tell you this, motherfucker. The Jump Bexley stuff is soon to be uploaded by COR A FIELD, there's some sweet sweet candy in that bunch. Luke got stuck between roofs. If he was alone he would been stuck up there for ages, maybe even 8 minuits. He's lucky to be alive.
"i'm working on a script possibly for old lady (maybe not) that'll be a full length film" said Jack.
~chapman - what willis was talking about.
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| Educating the masses |
[25 Jan 2005|11:10pm] |
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Hi I'm Matt Bird and I'm here to fill you in. Open up, because it's a wide load!
Currently on the line for the first Old Lady video, as chapman sez, are 'SAVING HOKUM CITY' and 'ME, MYSELF & IFE'. So we will hatch those two brain eggs, have OLD LADY FINITO edited to perfection, get the documentary filmed, hopefully do a commentary, and that will be that! We can wipe the grime off our hands and marry ourselves.
Then we have the 2000 other projects that the Old Lady whizkids keep churning out. We have:
GTA: Old Lady - Martin the killer mindlessly kills. Simple as, babycakes
Stranded - Cuban gangsters, and two chaps. What will they do? Not kiss! No no no that's what we'd want you to think!
Operation Good Guy - Hometaught surgeon man decides between friendship AND DESTINY
The complex mystery thing that I'd like to do - Man wakes up in house. Who what where why??? Exactly.
Awkward Silence - Short thing I came up with, tackling the issues of challenging social situations.
"The Cure Quest" - Something mystical and fantastical that Adam came up with.
and of course Owlman Returns - The elusive neverending feature-length sequel motherfucker that we are battling with despondancy to get back on track with.
And I'm sure there's others. And they won't stop coming because we are brilliant and we need to express that through the moving form of cinematography. Oh and it's not really Old Lady but Adam is big on making a Lord of the Rings thing. And I get to be Aragorn so I'm all for it. Viggo Mortensen is the man! Huge cock? Probably.
Goodbye, from matthew
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| How it is... |
[25 Jan 2005|10:29pm] |
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So, here we go. The video is I'd say 80% done, we need to film ME MYSELF AND IFE, SAVING HOKUM CITY and some intro stuff. Then it's onto the edit. Once the video is done, we're going to make a MOCKUMENTARY of old lady, visiting the spots and stuff. It's mainly for our own entertainment. But anyway we are trying to find someone to host it..It can't be anyone who was in old lady. Personally, I think martin, but some people disagree. I don't mind really, but it should be good. Pretty good.
What's happening after that stuff? Who knows. Probably Old Lady 2, but there are some other stuff planned like LOVE FACTUALLY and stuff like that. I've got a couple of things I'd like to make, like OPERATION GOOD GUY and STRANDED, and I got my camera back from repair today so it's all good.
This weekend we are hoping to film ME MYSELF AND IFE, just got to see if Ife and Tom can come out for fun. There might be some filming going down on Sunday too, so it looks like a fun weekend. Yeah, and we might see Ray. Looks like a good film. Anyway, I'm waffling, and Mr. Simpson has already warned us about that, so I shall stop typing NOW.
~chapman
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| Welcome to us |
[24 Jan 2005|10:05pm] |
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Hey this is where OLD LADY will update, so deal with it.
~chapman
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